Uzi Gets a Dirt Bike

I got a used KTM 200 EXC. Woo hoo! Right? Well, not quite. The bloom has come off of the rose, with a couple of realizations. The first realization is that I can’t get on the bike in a dignified fashion, the second is I can’t start it very easily either. I decided to fire up the new bike and so I wheeled it out into the drive, only to find that my middle-aged hips are not limber enough to allow me to throw my leg over the seat. My inseam is about 32 inches and the seat appears to be about 36 and I’m not a ballerina. I learned that I can get my knee up on the seat to a point where it becomes lodged on the top, but the rest of my leg refuses to follow after it. Unfortunately, at this point I’m stuck in a distinctly uncomfortable position accompanied by acute groin pain and a hamstring pulled tighter than the string on a hunting bow. Luckily, I was eventually able to extricate myself from that predicament without having to dial 911.

“OK,” I said to myself, “we’re going to need to do some stretching exercises to cure that.” In the meanwhile, I decided that I could carry some sort of box around to stand on to get on the bike. No big deal really unless I come off the bike in a location where there isn’t a sturdy box handy. Reflecting on that thought, I decided that I really don’t recall seeing that many sturdy boxes strategically placed along forest trails or dirt bike tracks, so perhaps a back up plan might be in order. I found that if I leaned the bike over far enough to spill the fuel out of the carberetor bowl that I can get on the bike pretty easily, but then I’m on one leg with a bike leaned way over. Well not a problem, just toe-heal, toe-heal, toe-heal, hop, hop. I made it. Much better. “Now, I’ll just fire this puppy up,” I thought.

Whoa, the location of that starting lever means I’ll have to bring my knee all the way up under my chin. “Umph, Umph. OK, my foot’s up there. Now kick!” I felt some bumps of resistance as the cylinder bobbed up and down, as the lever plunged groundward, and the bike made a few whoomphing noises, but nothing that sounded even remotely like spark hitting gasoline vapor. “Humph, Humph, foot up. Now Kick!”, “Whoomph! Whoomp!” said the KTM. Again, and again I kicked the starter until my leg ached, and my shirt was completely drenched in sweat. “OK I give,” I muttered and then leaned the bike over. Hop, hop, heal-toe, heal-toe, heal-toe, until I could get my leg over the top of the bike. I then walked the bike back into the garage and performed about four clean and jerk maneuvers on the bike to get it back on the stand that kept skittering away from the bike every time I tried to lift the bike up on it. Finally, convinced that the bike was secure, I felt around to see if I had any obvious hernias poking out of my belly. Nope, my flaccid abdominal muscles, buried under thick layers of protective blubber, seemed to be intact. “Well, that didn’t go well,” I was thinking as I walked into the air conditioned house and flopped down on the sofa, “I hope I didn’t just make a real expensive mistake.”

Later, after having time to reflect — which was some time shortly after the heart palpitations had subsided, I thought, “I wonder if the gas lever was in the on position?” So I went down to the garage and looked at the fuel lever. I quickly determined that it was impossible to tell if it was on or not, it was just too blurry. I went back in and got my super-duper reading glasses and went for another look. After wiping away a smudge of grease, I saw that one position appears to have a small “r”, another nothing at all, and in the middle position, the word “on” is stamped into the metal. Sure enough, the lever was pointing at the unmarked location. “I’ll try again tomorrow,” I thought. “You’ve won this battle my tall-seated friend, but I’ll win the war.”

Bright and early the next morning, I looked around for something solid to stand on. No sturdy boxes around here either apparently. Then I noticed the running boards on my 4 Runner. “Yes, that should do nicely,” I thought. First, I made sure that the fuel lever was in the on position, pulled the choke knob up and then thought, “Perhaps it might be easier to start the bike, before I get on.” I stood on the right side of the bike and mashed down on the starter a couple of times, “whoomp, whoomp,” nothing.

“OK, so you’re a two stroke. Well you’re like a dozen lawn mowers I’ve dealt with in the past, I didn’t take any guff off of them and I’m not taking any off of you either, and you are going to start.” When I thought about all the ill-tempered and recalcitrant lawn mowers, leaf blowers, and gasoline powered weed whackers that I have fought with in the past, I recalled that they all have a bulb to allow you to squirt some fuel into them before you start them. So I cranked the throttle open three times and gave the starter another good mash, “whah, whah, ding, ding, ding, whah, whaaaaaah.” she said as oily smoke belched out of the exhaust pipe. “Now that’s more like it.” Holding the bike up as I maneuvered around to the other side, I put my left foot up on the running board of my 4 Runner, and bingo I was sitting on a running bike.” I gave it some throttle for a bit and then reached down and pushed the choke back in. The volumn of smoke quickly subsided and the bike idled happily. Then I hit the kill switch. I pulled my foot up to the kick start and gave it a hefty push, and the bike started right up again. “Good show, you little beastie. Now you’re getting tamed down.”

Now, I was sitting on a running dirt bike started in the normal manner. I, a total dirt-bike noob, was in full control of this mechanical wonder. I confidently, popped it into first eased out the clutch, rolled on some gas and shot quickly toward my garage door. No problem — I do ride a motorcycle every day. I pulled in the clutch, applied the brakes and she quickly stopped, with well over an inch of safety margin to spare between me and further emabarrassment.

I pushed the little red kill switch and with the swagger of a corpulent Barney Fife, I whipped my right leg over the top of the seat and planted my foot back onto the ground with authority and a sense of total victory. “Wow, that really hurt,” I thought, “I hope I didn’t tear something vital.”

My next step is to find myself a sturdy box. I’ll let you know how the first ride goes.

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P. S. Several months have gone by and I can ride it now. Oh yea.

Riding a Motorcycle in the Rain

Even those who try to confine their motorcycle riding to fair weather days are going to get caught in the rain now and again. For those of us who ride our bikes every day, we get a lot of practice at it. There are a number of things that you can do to keep yourself safer and more comfortable when the rain comes pouring down. The main factors for safety and comfort when riding a motorcycle in the rain are:

• Protection from the elements
• Being seen
• Traction
• Aditional Hazards
• Being able to see

 

 

Protection From the Elements

 

First, it’s important to have proper rain gear and to keep it with you, if there is any chance of rain. On the really inexpensive side of the equation, one can get a rain suit from Wal Mart or Target and those really work pretty well, so if you are very cost-conscious, you can get something that will keep the rain off of you for fifteen or twenty dollars. On the other side of the equation there are, again, two ways you can go. One is the urathane or pvc route, which provides great protection from the rain, but does not breath. The other alternative is the waterproof breathable types of rainsuits. Most of the rainsuits made specifically for motorcycle riders are of they urathane or pvc types. They have the advantage of being made to fit over your other riding gear, and many are made from highly visible colors and may have reflective stripes or panels to increase your visibililty to motorists. The primary disadvantage is that they can become pretty steamy on the inside on a warm day. The other type of rain gear is made of windproof and waterproof fabric that "breathes" to allows moisture inside the suit to be wicked away from your body. These rainsuits are much more comfortable when the weather is warm. One manufacturer, Frogg Toggs, has a rainsuit the Pro Action (PA102) that sells for between $60 and $70 dollars, depending on size. This rainsuit is is quite comfortable, when it is raining or just when it gets a little cool. Whichever way you decide to go, don’t forget to keep your rainsuit handy when you are riding.

Being Seen

The second factor that creates problems when riding in the rain is that even though motorcyclists seem to be virtually invisible to many drivers on a bright clear day, we become totally invisible when the rain starts. So, while this advice may be more relevant when it rains, it’s still important even when it’s clear. If you normally ride with your headlight on low beam, make sure to set it to high beam and leave it there. Wear clothing that is as conspicuous as you can possibly find. Yellow seems to be one of the easiest colors to see on a moving object (which is why tennis balls are yellow) so if you can find a yellow rainsuit, that will help a lot. Reflective strips or patches also help when cars have their lights on, so it never hurts to tape some on to your rain gear if it isn’t already built in to it. If you have emergency flashers on your bike, and you think that the rain is coming down hard enough to warrant turning them on, then do it. Anything that you can do to make others see you will help keep you alive. The excuse that is almost always given when a car violates the right of way of a motorcyclist and causes him serious injury or death is, "I didn’t see him." Do as much as you can to keep someone from using that excuse about you.

Traction

Since motorcycles only have two wheels, tire traction is a very, very important. Over the last few decades, tire manufacturers have come a long way in increasing the traction available on motorcycle tires. Normally, you will have about 80% of the traction in the rain that you have on a dry road. However, when it firsts starts raining or when it is just drizzling, the oil, antifreeze, grease and other automotive goo sits on top of the water and makes the roadway very slick. The most prudent action is to pull over somewhere dry when it first starts to rain, and have a cup of coffee or a coke until this stuff has a chance to wash away. Most likely you’ll need to pull over to put on your rain gear anyway, if you’ve waited till it starts to rain before putting it on. So while you’re there, let the rain wash away some of the slippery stuff before you get back on the road. Even then, try to avoid the grease strip down the center of the lanes as much as possible, and exercise more caution than usual when you put your foot down at a stop. Since, under the best circumstances, you have about 80% of the traction that you do under perfect conditions, be sure to follow the traffic ahead of you a little farther back than usual. If you normally stay two or three seconds behind the car in front of you, increase your distance to three or four seconds, giving yourself that little extra margin of safety that could mean the difference between stopping safely and doing a face plant into the back of a pickup truck.

Additional Hazards

There are a couple of other things to think about when riding in the rain as well. Don’t forget that the painted lane stripes and turn arrows can be very slick when it rains. I have known several riders to go down suddenly and with fairly severe injuries resulting, when they crossed lane stripes in a turn. Avoid them as much as possible, but when you must cross them, make sure that your lean angle is slight. The last point about traction in the rain, is hydroplaining. Hyrdoplaining occurs when your motorcycle’s tires do not shed enough water to allow the contact patch (that part of the tire where the rubber meets the road) to contact the pavement. Instead, your tire rides on top of the water on the road. When this happens, it’s like your bike is on ice skates. Most likely the first thing you will feel is the rear end wobbling, the wobbling will then work its way forward until you’ve got a full blown tank slapper going (where the handlebars occilate wildly hitting the gas tank on each side as they do so) and then in the next instant you’re sliding down the highway on your keester. I have known two riders just this year that have experienced this phenomenon. While neither incident was fatal, due to wearing proper protective gear, both bikes were totalled and both riders were hospitalized. So, remember to take it a little easy when it’s raining, always make sure your tires have plenty of tread depth and as much as possible, without doing something foolish, avoid the puddles that build up on the road. Usually it is best to drive in the dry strips left by the automobiles and trucks ahead of you.

Being Able to See in the Rain

While other drivers are having more trouble seening you in the rain, you are going to have your own problems seeing. Most likely they are going to be more profound than theirs, since you’re not sitting in a dry car with the windshield wipers sweeping the rain away. If you are not wearning any eye protection, you will soon find out just how badly raindrops sting the eyeball at fifty or sixty miles an hour, your best bet is to just pull over somewhere dry, wait it out, and remind yourself to buy a pair of goggles at your next opportunity. I’ll assume this poor foolsih fellow isn’t you, but instead you are either wearing some form of eye protection or even better have a visor protecting your entire face from the elements. Even with your eyes protected by goggles or a visor, it quickly gets hard to see. You have to combat both fogging from the inside and rain drops building up on the outside. There are a number of products that will reduce fogging and hopefully you have recently applied some. In a pinch, however, scuba divers have found that spit works pretty well at keeping diving masks free from fog, so if you find yourself fogging up and spit is all you have, you might want to give it a try. There are a number of products that help keep the rain from building up on the outside of a visor, and even some good old Honda polish (one of man’s best friends along with duct tape and WD40), will do a lot to keep the rain streaming off of your visor. However, you should never use a product like Rain-X on your visor, windshield, goggles or any other plastic, since it contains chemicals that will cause permanent fogging of the plastic over time. There’s also a handy little gadget I’ve found that fits over your finger and can be used as a squeegee to wipe the rain away as you ride. It works like a champ. Riding in the rain isn’t that uncomfortable, or that unsafe as long as you make sure to be prepared, slow down, make sure that you can see and be seen, and ride safely.

Uzi Rider