Larry the Cable Guy Wisdom

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the
spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below
average.

6. He who laughs last thinks the slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second
mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some
people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad
memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending
machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple
of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise
my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in
the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays
off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without
sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked
into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death,
twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person
wondering, “What the heck happened?”

22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we
would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates; it’s more
like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt
tomorrow

California Highway 36

Click this map to see the full size image

Ear Hair

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the
Veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears.
He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this
from recurring she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover
and rub it in the dog’s ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some “Nair” hair remover.
At the register the druggist tells her, “If you’re going to use this
under your arms don’t use deodorant for a few days.”
The lady says: “I’m not using it under my arms.”
The druggist says: “If you’re using it on your legs don’t shave for a couple of days.”
The lady says: “I’m not using it on my legs either; if you must know,
I’m using it on my schnauzer.”
The druggist says: “Stay off your BIKE for a week.”